Darcy Lewis: God of War
by Mercutio
Summary: Asgard has botched things up, imprisoning and refusing to listen to the one person who knew about the danger facing the Nine Realms. When Gaia seeks a champion, she picks the most unlikely of people. But Darcy has a plan.


Darcy Lewis generally liked her life. Oh, she wasn't able to put her degree in political science to much use in her job as an astrophysicist's glorified gopher, but she got to hang out with superheroes and help save the world. As far as job satisfaction went, she had it made.

Still, it took her surprise when, while walking down the street, she suddenly felt as though she had been hit by a star.

Darcy stumbled and fell down, but aside from general expressions of concern, no one seemed to have noticed what had happened.

Except her whole world changed in that one moment.

The star - a burst of energy and power - surrounded her, changing her, then sank inside her, permeating all of her cells before settling down like the fizz of carbonation in the pit of her stomach.

And suddenly Darcy knew everything there was to know about war. Because she had been granted the power of the God of War by the Earth itself.

"Huh," she mused, picking herself up. "I guess there was some validity to the point of view that Gaia was the grandmother of the gods. If the Earth gave me these powers, then maybe she gave powers to the Greek gods as well."

As if thinking about it was enough to bring the knowledge to mind, she then got a sense of acknowledgement, as though thinking a question while simultaneously picturing Gaia was enough to submit the question to her.

"Cool. Hitchhiker's was right. The Earth is a supercomputer."

She made her way to Starbucks, pondering her new responsibilities and power. Darcy had a lot to think about it. She thought about it throughout the whole trip, even pondering it in the elevator of the Avengers' tower.

"Hey, Jane," Darcy said, once she'd made it back to the lab. "Listen, something interesting happened to me on the walk to Starbucks-"

"Not now, Darcy," Jane replied. "There's an emergency. Thor said something about a new god of war being chosen and Sif's on her way down. We're going to be on lockdown once she and the Warriors Three get here so that they and the Avengers can look for this new person and stop them before they wreak havoc on the world."

"About that-"

"No time! I've got to finish up this experiment before we get locked into the panic room."

So Darcy shrugged and helped her boss, while waiting for an alarm to sound.

Instead of an alarm sounding, the Bifrost activated and a few moments later, Thor came thundering into the lab.

"Jane!" he cried, sweeping her up in his arms. "We must get you to safety! Friend Stark tells me that the readings of the new war god place him in the tower."

Darcy cleared her throat. "About that, big guy…"

"A moment, Lady Darcy," Thor apologized, taking that opportunity to check Jane over to see if she was all right.

"There isn't any need to get anyone to safety," Darcy said, beginning to get a little irritated at being ignored. She was used to it, sure, being the least qualified person in the room as it were, whether the subject was science or avenging, but damnit, she had something to say.

"Why is that, Lady Darcy?" Thor asked courteously. "Do you know something of this new god?"

"You could say that," Darcy admitted. "Since I am the new god. Goddess. Whatever."

"Darcy?!" Jane asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were busy," Darcy said, shrugging. "I figured we'd get around to discussing it eventually. It didn't seem to be a priority. Everyone was already gearing up for an emergency and Thor was in transit. It wasn't like I could stop him." The supercomputer in her brain told her that yes, she could have if she'd wanted to and Darcy told it 'thank you, but be quiet right now, you're not helping.'

"We must inform the others at once!" Thor announced. "This is a joyous occasion. My lightning sister has become a god!"

"Yeah, I don't think that's how they're going to take it, big guy," said Darcy, but submitted to him putting his arm around her and walking her and Jane up to the penthouse.

"Her? Coffee girl? Really?"

"Tony…" came the tired reprimand from Steve Rogers.

"You were all thinking it," Tony responded. "We were expecting a mad, bad and dangerous to know God of War and we get her instead."

"Argh?" Darcy offered wryly when heads turned to look at her.

"Exactly!"

"Friend Stark, you fail to understand the true impact of this revelation," Thor said solemnly.

"We have a Pinterested Twitterista Instagrammer as the new god on the block? Somehow I'm not impressed. Besides, we already have a god. And a Hulk. I think we can take her if she gets frisky."

"The All-Father will wish to speak with the maiden," Fandral put in. "He is not known for his… tolerance for mortals."

"But she isn't a mortal anymore, Prince of Tights. She's a god now. Or is Eau de Midgard too much for his delicate nostrils?"

*Am I immortal now?* Darcy wondered. The answer came back lightning fast. She understood it, but in a way it only made things harder for her. "My bad. Being the only war god means that I'm effectively immortal in that age or accident can't kill me, but-"

"Ooh, I know, I know!" Tony said, raising his hand. "You're like Highlander! You have to get your head cut off!"

"Basically. I'm hard to kill, but as the only god of war, I have to be mortal. The power can't be held by an immortal; it's just too… chaotic? Switching back and forth from life and death so rapidly that it holds power over the one who in turn holds it? Something like that."

Bruce looked interested. Addressing Sif, he said politely, "We thought you were the Asgardian goddess of war."

Sif looked uncomfortable. "My title is Goddess of Honorable Battle. I serve War, but I do not hold all of its concerns."

A meaty hand clapped her on the shoulder. "The Lady Sif is far too modest. She is the very epitome of what War is meant to be and so she is spoken of on Asgard," Thor boomed. "But Fandral is correct. Father will want to speak with her. But I am certain that all will be well, for the Lady Darcy was already a valiant warrior before gaining this power and is well worthy of it."

Darcy winced, but didn't say anything. Wounding the Big Guy's assumptions wasn't fun under the best of circumstances. It hurt him and he didn't understand. He never believed it without a lot of argument. And she didn't want what was possibly her last memory of Earth to be fighting between people she cared about.

"As long as you're sure," Tony said, winking at Darcy. "I want to make sure my anti-taser shield is installed in my lab before she gets back."

They socialized together for some time, but the atmosphere was noticeably lighter. If most of the Asgardians were subtly tense or cast occasional pitying looks in Darcy's direction, well, the same people were almost always tense anyway and their usual superior glances looked a lot like pity if you weren't familiar with their gazes.

After the lunch dishes had been cleared away, Darcy stood and went to Jane. "I suppose this is goodbye, forever, boss," she said lightly.

"Always a kidder," Jane said fondly, hugging her former intern. "Have a good time."

Tony put his fingers on Darcy's shoulder. They were gentle, but firm, and Darcy could tell he wouldn't let go until he had what he wanted. "Don't be selfish, Foster. Let me have my chance to fondle the Goddess of Coffee, too."

He spun her away in a dance move that took them halfway across the room and bent her dramatically back over her knee with a leer on his face that sent everyone into laughter. Then he leaned in and pretended to smooch her.

That led to jeering, which covered Tony's voice speaking quietly in Darcy's ear. "Feel lucky that the God of Winter isn't here right now. He would have figured it out and he wouldn't have let you go without a fight. But for some reason, you don't seem to want one."

His hands began to roam, causing a note of protest to enter the jeering, which only became louder as a result. "I figure you're the godlike one now, so you've got the best idea of what you can handle. That means I won't interfere with your play. But I'm slipping a contact button for Jarvis in your pocket. It'll stick to the lining. Press it if you need us."

Darcy nodded imperceptibly against his cheek, then kissed it. "Thank you, Tony."

He pulled her back to her feet then spun her close while smiling. "My pleasure, babe. Anytime for a beautiful woman like you."

Then Tony let her go and the Warriors Three stood outside the doors, waiting. Darcy walked to them, smiling. Asgard wasn't going to know what hit them.

When they arrived on Asgard, Thor immediately apologized. "I am sorry, Lady Darcy, I would like to show you the wonders of my realm, but I have been instructed to bring you directly to my father when I returned with you."

"That's fine, big guy. At least this way, we'll get the hard part out of the way first. Then we'll have time to do the tourist thing the right way."

He nodded soberly and walked with her down the rainbow bridge, the Warriors Three and Sif falling in behind them, as though to keep Darcy from running away.

Fandral attempted to keep spirits up by chattering, but Darcy ignored him, focusing on her upcoming meeting with Odin. Would she have the connection to Gaia here? Did she even have any powers on Asgard.

*Yes,* came the answer in her head, both faster and louder than Gaia's. Instantly, Darcy was aware that she was speaking with Yggdrasil, the world tree.

*I am more distant than Gaia. But Asgard is no longer a planet as their Celestial hatched in ages past.*

"Coolio," Darcy said out loud as Yggdrasil downloaded a summary of Asgard's involvement in the Nine Realms with regard to war into her brain.

"What?" Thor asked.

"Oh. The palace," Darcy covered. "It's so… gold."

"Yes, it is magnificent, is it not?"

"It's certainly something." Like a penis monument. But she wasn't going to say that out loud.

The walk seemed to take forever, but finally, Thor led them into the All-Father's throne room.

If the ode to Odin's dick that was the palace took the place of a normal man's penis truck, then the throne and Gungnir took the place of the hood ornament and the fuzzy dice respectively, Darcy thought before getting a gander of the golden eyepatch.

With spinning rims, too.

"Father, I present to you my lightning sister, Lady Darcy Lewis, goddess of War."

Darcy waved at Odin. "Hi. Nice to meet you. Is there a reason you wanted to see me, or did you just want to meet the new kid on the block?"

There was a hush of silence as everyone present drew in their breath at the way she spoke to Odin.

He considered her silently for a long moment, expression grim. "You would do well to show respect to me, warmonger."

"How about no?" Darcy asked.

"Lady Darcy!" Thor almost pleaded with her.

"Sorry, big guy. My powers have been telling me things about your dad and his, quotemark, 'management' of the Nine Realms. He's messed up big time and he isn't doing a thing about it, even though he's gotta know he messed up and he has to know how bad things are likely to be. De Nile is a river in Egypt and Odin's swimming in it."

"Show some respect for the All-Father!" came a male voice from behind her.

Darcy ignored it. "I'm here now, and I'm letting you know that I'm taking over the war against Thanos. All of your forces, including the Bifrost, are under my command as of now. You can give the orders and make it a smooth changeover, or I can use my power and get them to obey me. Either way, I'm in charge now."

"Very well," Odin said wearily. "It shall be as you say. Tyr-"

"And the very first thing I need to is to free a prisoner from your cells. I want Loki and I want him now."

"What?!"

The explosion that followed could have been amusing if it hadn't wasted time that was needed to prepare to face the Mad Titan.

"But he is a traitor to the throne!""And a Frost Giant!"

"What do want with the likes of *him*? Filthy liar."

Darcy gave them all a sunny smile. If they'd been smarter, they would have been scared. As it is, the expressions on the faces around her stayed confused and belligerent.

"First, getting the God of Lies on my side is a smart move, because he's also bound to be the God of Diplomacy and I need help with that if I hope to keep unauthorized wars from happening. That's going to be a concern if I hope to get all Nine Realms working together on this one. Not to mention that he's bound to know all the best tricks to play on the battlefield. A good guy to have in your pocket, really, for any god of war.

"But-" Darcy continued, "even if all of that wasn't true, he's the one person available to me who has direct, first hand experience with Thanos and intelligence on his military and other capabilities. Of course, I want Loki! I need him."

After a second, she added, "Plus he's sexy eye candy that isn't convinced that he's the best warrior everywhere while being so, so wrong. But that's beside the point."

Twenty minutes later, Loki was standing before them, rubbing his wrists. "I can't say I'm honored to be among you," he began, "but to what do I owe the thanks for my removal from my cell?"

Darcy waved at him. "Hi. You might remember me. Darcy Lewis. I was there when you tried to kill Thor with a big robot. New God of War."

He stared at her with large, disbelieving eyes, then turned his gaze toward Odin. "I knew you were incompetent, All-Father, but this is a new low, even for you. To so disregard the significance of my disappearance into the Void and what it meant when I reappeared, raving and apparently mad that you did not even ask me more than once why I had done what I did? You must have had other intimations of my news about the Mad Titan. And yet you have so disregarded the opportunities to act set before you that Yggdrasil is forced to call a new God of War? The hours of your reign are surely numbered."

Loki turned back to Darcy. "How might I be of service to you, Lady Darcy? I assume you want my intelligence about the Mad Titan?"

She frowned at him. "Shouldn't you be more, y'know, full of yourself? You're being way too nice."

He gave her a small smile. "Surely you don't think I'm stupid enough to insult the person doing me a favor?"

"Dude, based on the attitudes of Bitchy, Stuck Up, Mr. McFlirt and Erik the Red over there, anyone else here totally would, so forgive me for assuming that it's in the water here. Plus you have sort of a reputation for calling women naughty words."

"Romanoff," Loki nodded. "I remember. Very well, then, I shall behave like myself and you may decide for yourself whether it offends you."

"Sweet talker. You totally are the god of diplomacy, aren't you?"

"They do call me Silvertongue."

"Huh. And the look you're giving me tells me that it was for reasons I don't want to ask about." Darcy gave him a considering look. "You're hot. If you turn out not to be violently insane, I'll warn you right now, I'm probably going to try hitting on you."

"You would injure my brother, Lady Darcy?" Thor asked, wounded.

"Not in any way that he didn't consent to first," Darcy said at the same time Loki announced, "I'm not your brother."

"C'mon," Darcy said, tugging at Loki's elbow. "Let's find some place quieter to talk. Maybe somewhere with windows? You look a little too much like a vampire for my tastes." She looked up at Odin. "Send your chief general guy to us when you find him. And some snacks. We could be a while."

Tyr proved to be a grizzled old man in possession of both of his hands. He had turned up partway through Loki's account of his time with Thanos and had silently settled in to listen. He had said nothing the entire time, only tilting his head and looking by terms contemplative and concerned.

When Loki finished, he was no longer looking at either of them, but instead staring out the window at the sun, as though blinding himself to his surroundings could blind himself to the reality of what he'd spoken.

"Wow. Just, wow, Loki," Darcy said, at a loss for words. "That's just… really…"

"If I may, milady, your highness," Tyr interrupted courteously. "You bore up well through your ordeal. No warrior of Asgard could have done better. That you managed to save Midgard from destruction by the Titan through your actions while mind-controlled only increases the approbation due you for your heroic actions in resisting his predations."

"You… you don't despise me for my weakness," Loki asked carefully. He had turned to face Tyr during the other man's speech.

"I have only respect for your struggle. Regardless of what they may boast of during feasts in the Golden Hall, every man who has seen it knows that torture, if consistently and creatively applied, will eventually break anyone. Death before dishonor is all well and good if one can manage it. Once the dishonor has occurred, it is futile to wish for death. Far better to do as you have done, my prince, and bring back word of your tormentor and stall his plans at the same time."

Loki remained quiet for a long time before looking between them both. "This may work after all."

They made many plans there that evening, for Asgard and all of the other realms, except Midgard.

"Leave Midgard to me," Darcy said. "I know it best and I know how and how not to get things done there. We're not going to be able to get the governments on our side in the time frame we need in order to be able to use their assistance, but we can do the next best thing. There're groups of heroes all over Earth who will work with us if it's explained the right way to them."

Tyr and Loki had agreed easily and they moved on.

With regard to Jotunheim, Darcy had a solution that apparently no one else had considered.

"Do you still have that casket thingy, Loki?"

"Yes, I do. I could produce it now, if you wish."

"Not now, but we can use it to get the Jotun on our side."

"You can't mean to give it back to those monsters," Loki said. "They would-"

"Use it to make repairs," Darcy said, simultaneously with Tyr's protest, "They are not monsters."

"Forgive me, milady," Tyr said.

She waved at him that it was okay and to go on.

"The Jotun are not monsters, my prince. Why Odin's own mother was one of theirs."

"What?!" Loki stood so fast that he nearly overturned his chair. "Odin's own mother? And he had the nerve to tell me, to tell *us* that the Jotun were…"

Loki gave them both the most round-eyed, wounded, betrayed look that Darcy had ever seen and then fled deeper into the chambers.

"I'm thinking he didn't take that well," Darcy said. "Why is that?"

"Were you not aware that his highness is a Frost Giant?"

"Yes, but what's that got to do with anything?"

"Frost Giants are who Asgard fought the last great war against. Since then, all our battles have been mere skirmishes, sufficient to blood a youth, but not to temper a man. To much of Asgard, they are the last great enemy and with that reputation comes fear."

"And what you fear, you hate and demonize," Darcy summed up. "So Loki's having a mental breakdown and we've got a war to fight that could end everything, but we need him functional or we might as well quit now."

"You have a plan, milady?"

She grinned at him foxily. "Oh, I have a plan."

After a few minutes of chat, it became apparent that Loki wasn't coming back out. Darcy and Tyr had accomplished all they could without his input and without contact with more people than they could reach tonight. Accordingly, Tyr excused himself.

Darcy could have done so as well and gone to find Thor and get the promised tour of Asgard.

But Loki was still inside, still presumably hurting and she needed him whole.

That she wanted him too was only the cherry on top.

Darcy got up, stretched, then made her way deeper inside the chambers to the door Loki had disappeared behind. She knocked on it, then called out when she didn't get a response.

"Loki? Are you in there?"

There was a long silence, then "Yes."

"Are you all right? Can I come in?"Another long silence, then the door clicked as though suddenly unlocked. Darcy turned the handle and pushed her way inside.

Loki lay on his bed, holding a portrait of a woman with golden hair in his hands.

"Hey," Darcy said, walking slowly over to him. As she walked, she couldn't help but note all of the books and the suit of armor on a mannequin in the corner. "These are your rooms, aren't they? You brought me to your place."

"Yes?" Loki tried. "It- You asked for a place with sunlight and which was private. My rooms are both and it has been some time since I had the freedom of them."

"Oh, don't feel you have to make excuses," Darcy said. She neared the bed and met his eyes, asking a question, eyes flicking to the edge of the bed. Loki nodded, and Darcy sat down.

"Come to stare at the monstrosity?" Loki asked bitterly. "To see what depths it might descend to in its depravity?"

"Dude, I don't care if you turn rainbow colors and can sing the National Anthem backward. All I know is that you're the right guy for this job."

"So I am yet again to be a tool. Am I to be discarded once the task is complete? It would be nothing new." His lips twisted. "Or are you here to make threats to ensure my good behavior? I hope you didn't take lessons from Thor - he has no idea how to motivate anyone who is not already his lackey."

"I know, right?" Darcy said. "Totally with you there. Jane got that little detail out of him, how he told you that if you helped, he'd put you right back in jail. Way to make someone want to win there, bro."

He raised his eyebrows. "Then I am to believe you have better intentions?"

She smiled lopsidely at him, then eyed him up and down. "I don't know about *better*, but yeah, I have intentions."

He didn't respond, and Darcy added, "Only if you're into that."

Loki's expression had settled into neutral lines. "So this is what you want me for? Information and an exchange of pleasure?"

"Not everything," Darcy told him. "There's still the matter of Thanos and how, if I live through this, I think you'd be a cool guy to have on my side when it comes to doing the whole god of war thing. The God of Lies has got to be wicked awesome at diplomacy and causing chaos on and off the battlefield. I can't think of anyone better to have at my back."

"To have at your back? Where I could easily slip a knife in it? You would trust me that much?"

Darcy nodded. "I get that right now you don't trust me. That's fine. I know that Mr. Penis Envy back there would have chopped my head off if the Iggy hadn't been screaming at him that he needed me to get rid of Thanos since he wasn't getting another champion from her if he killed off the one she gave him."

"Iggy?" Loki asked carefully. "Mr. Penis Envy?"

"The world tree. And the giant douchebag disguised as Santa Claus on the throne out there."

Loki smiled suddenly, lips curling. "I think I could get to like you."

"There we go! Some progress. So what do you say? You and me against the universe sound good to you?"

"You and me? Forgive me, I'm not usually this slow, but my imprisonment seems to have addled my wits somewhat. I had the impression that you were done with me for now, except for a passing interest in my, ah, *bedroom* skills."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm interested in those, too. But when I got the lowdown on this god of war gig, I thought about who I'd like to have helping me out. And it wouldn't be any of the Avengers."

"Not even Thor?"

Darcy gave him a dark look. "Do you have any idea how badly I've wanted to smite Thor ever since I got these powers? If he didn't look like a giant puppy dog, I totally would have. That chick's who's always following him around, Sif, she's just asking for it though. Along with their friends. They think they know everything about war and they don't know jack squat."

Loki laughed, deep and from the belly. "Oh, I do so like you. I hope I get to keep you."

"Get to keep me?" Darcy asked carefully. "You know I'm not collectible, right?"

He let his breath out in a sigh. "I misspoke."

"I don't think you did, but I'm not going to ask about it if you don't want me to."

He eyed her, then nodded as if he had resolved an inner conflict. "Of late, it seems that every good thing I have is torn away from me." He clutched the picture to himself. "My… the All-Mother, my mind, even my very identity. It's difficult to believe that something good could be allowed to happen and not be immediately taken. Or worse, taken when it means far too much to me."

"I can't promise that I won't die - one of the perks of being God of War - you have to be able to be killed. But, on the bright side, if I die, Thanos is likely going to kill everyone and everything as well, so you won't be alone for very long."

"You're terrible at this," Loki told her. "That wasn't reassuring at all."

She shrugged. "Them's the breaks. Think of it from my point of view. One minute, I'm walking down the street with a fifty or sixty year life expectancy left to me, and the next moment, bang! I could very possibly live forever. Except, whoops! This only happened because there's a guy about to kill everything, so I'm probably going to die anyway."

"When you look at it that way, you have a point." He narrowed his eyebrows. "Now, if I may ask, why do you always refer to yourself as the *God* of War? Are you not female? Would you not be a goddess?"

Darcy shrugged again. "Female empowerment? I don't need to feminize my role to own it? I don't know. Plus they tend to look down on women here. I don't want them thinking less of me because of a different name. Maybe there should be a different title altogether? Like the Avatar of War? And then I could be blue, too, because Avatar, and it'd be more accurate anyway because God of War is a job that comes with a lot of power, more than Thor's shown, at least without Mew-mew helping him out."

"You are the strangest woman I have ever met."

"Thanks? I think."

"No, no, I like it. Most women - most *people* bore me. I can figure them out within a few minutes and know exactly what to do or say to get them to react in the ways I wish them to. You… you are different from minute to minute. It's refreshing."

"That's me. Little Ms. Surprising. Does that mean you'll go for it? Stick with me as I kick the rest of the Nine Realms in the rear and get them to go along with this plan?"

"But not join you in your bed?"

"That's totally up to you. I think it'd be fun. You're hot and you're smart and you're sexy. Plus you sacrificed your sanity to save my planet, so bonus points for nobility."

He gave her a stricken look. "Lady Darcy-"

"Just Darcy. Unless you want to be called 'your highness' every time I want to get your attention."

He smirked. "Now, now. Save that for the bed chamber."

Darcy could do flirting. "This very bed chamber? That we're in right now? Your highness?"

He grinned wickedly before sobering. "I am not so noble as you think. I would have given over the Tesseract had the Green Beast not stopped me and the portal not been closed."

"Mind control," Darcy sang. "Remember, I *know*. Iggy and I are like *this* when it comes to things she thinks I should be in on." She held up her crossed fingers.

"You truly mean it? You intend to have me stand by your side and call me your trusted ally to the Nine Realms? To your own people? To Thor?"

"Yup! That was the plan."

"I accept." He set the picture aside, then held out his hand.

She shook it. "Glad to have you with me. I can tell you, that's a load off of my mind. I wasn't looking forward to facing down everyone on my lonesome. Sure, I could have *done* it, but I wasn't exactly looking forward to it..."

Loki held onto her hand, however, and used it to draw her to him. "Darcy, you are babbling."

"I know," she told him. "I do that when I get nervous."

"What is there to be nervous of? Surely you do not claim to be shy now when you so boldly propositioned me, not once, but multiple times?" His tone had turned silky.

"Of course not," Darcy told him, as Loki somehow subtly changed from a man sitting on a flat surface to a sex god *lounging* across a *bed*. "But it's not like we've fallen in love with each other or something. I just met you. We haven't even gone dancing yet."

Loki smiled and music started playing in the room. "Shall we?"

Darcy stood. "Smooth. Oh, you're so smooth. I'm in big trouble."

Following her, Loki took one of her hands and placed the other on her waist. "Will this be a problem?"

"No," she said, squeezing his hand. "More than I was ready for maybe, but not a problem. Like you said, I was asking for it."

"Yes," Loki said, pulling her close and virtually purring in her ear. "Do tell me all about what you're asking for. In great detail."

Darcy threw her head back, laughing. "Oh, I can already tell. This, this thing between us, it's going to be fun."

"I'll make sure you don't regret it," Loki replied and finally - finally! - covered her mouth with his.

And if Darcy introduced Loki as the God of Sex to everyone they met, Loki said nothing. His smile spoke for him just fine.


End file.
